I loved myself.
I loved my hair,
I loved the way I cared,
The way my mother taught me.
I looked at the mirror happy
With what I saw
Flashed a pearly smile
Didn’t want anymore.
Loved how I lived
The plants and trees
In my heart I held dear,
My family, friends and pets
Kept my heart from fear.
But there was a darkness
A poison that lurked behind
One I didn’t see
Never jumped out at me
But kept it’s distance
Knowing my weakness
Watching my stillness
Somehow made me cry.
You see, I see a pool online
A pool of happiness
Everything is divine.
So many happy faces
Picture perfect bodies
Surrounded by so many people
They all call “friends”
All except for I.
But to let you know
I have travelled the world
More places you can imagine
Tried more foods
Than there are pictures
I just don’t flaunt it like the rest.
Sometimes I just lay in bed
Wishing my life was on the web
And people can see
How happy I am
Everyday, the beauty in me
Until I start scrolling
The delicate egg rolled off of the table and cracked
All that was, was the mess that remained
Life was stained
Sad feelings obtained
So much pain
Dancing in the rain
And being comfortable in the storm
Letting myself be washed away.
I need to scream, or cry, or drink more.
Maybe laugh, and smile too.
Dig right through to the core.
But I can’t do any of this because I’m thinking of you.
Is writing healing me
Or is it just putting salt on the wound?
We were to be together you made me believe
But without saying, you left too soon.
I cried a lot that night.
Went out partying and kissed some guys
Got myself up as high as a kite.
You came and shot me right down with your lies.
Actually with the truth that you told
That revealed meaning to your previous words
Has left me feeling fragile and cold.
I really thought you would have been my first.
I’m sorry but carve what?
Carve our initials in a tree?
That sounds like what you call “a lot”.
How do I show you something I know you won’t see?
I will carve my love for you right in front of your eyes
On that cold stone wall which you clearly can’t see I’m the other side.
What am I to do to show you I am your prize?
How do I make your heart race, cheeks blush as well as your tongue tied?
My love, is our love lost?
My love, what is lost can always be found.
But, also having to remember that everything comes at a cost.
You once gave me a pink ribbion assuring me,
“My Love, ours will always be bound.”
I will carve our initials into that tree
I will carve my love for you into that stone.
Helping you remember what is real love
Speaking to you in that soft tone voice that I own
And we’ll both see one more white dove
All because you first carved our names in our tree.
– Kitty Leahy
Love that we thought we had
Nothing but in our own imaginative minds.
The fulfilling yet hollow feeling that drove us mad
Each other was it or ourselves we had to find?
Was it the film The Titanic that made me feel this way?
Or maybe it is because I read Julliet and Romeo?
As Shakespeare said, “Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?”
I answer, “please, no.”
All I have to write is a pink blunt pencil
No words or letters to stencil
Real thoughts that become physical and expressed
What many desire
Heard to be heard
Like the rest
Of which that live in the past
Best left to as dust
Is to dust as ashes is to ashes,
Adam and Eve
To please oneself
Eating a fruit from the tree
Exposing the truth one not believed
Only to be.
Like butter, you melt my heart.
Under your spell, immediately i felt a spark.
Killing everything that’s causing me to feel
Every day, every day, i hope this will heal.
I scratch myself. A lot.
It hurts. And i keep scratching
Until eventually I’ve scratched
So much that i can’t
Feel the pain but instead
It’s numb and soothing.
Now my arms are bleeding
my legs are red
And you can barely see the true colour
Of my hands because they are dry, and cracked and they sting.
Oh the BURNING PAIN I feel when water touches my delicate, abused skin.
But I hope you realise that what you see on the outside, is exactly what’s going on inside.
I have a chest, hidden, buried inside
And everytime I try, it’s impossible to confide.
This chest is buried so deep
Even I have a secret from myself that I keep.
And slowly, it creeps from deep within
Making it’s way right up to my skin.
And I have the proof, i have the brand
You can see if you look at my hands.
Mum: I don’t want you having incense in your room, you will die of an asthma attack from it.
Me: But at least I will die calm and enlightened.
Thanks mum for the incense this year xox
As the water flows gently on top of and past the rocks,
As the trees lightly sway,
As you inhale the cool air,
Breathe out warmth onto my hands
Because you provide heat for me
And my body glows in the dark
Because of it,
Your gentle breath creates the larger flame
That burns when we kiss.
In the cooler months my skin is ice blue
And yours is warm red
And you still love me
And I’ll always be in love with you.